Thinking of those words really makes me cringe. I graduated college almost a year ago. I repeat, I graduated almost A YEAR ago. And what have I accomplished? Well, I became a gold card holder at Starbucks. Does that count for something?
I know that at some point everyone has to grow up. I realize that. But does that mean that I have to fall into complacency? I think I have hit this wall of adulthood, and you know what? I am not feeling it.
I have this urge to run away and go explore, but at the same time I am terrified of quitting anything. I have never been unemployed. I have worked from the moment I turned 16, so the idea of having nothing to come back to scares me. I don’t have the option of moving home because in short, I have no family home. So I don’t even know how feasible my running away would be considering that I would have no home base.
I also have been considering grad school because to be honest I miss school. I miss deadlines and papers. I miss meeting new people and being thrown into group projects which force you to talk to each other. Those are the exact things I dreaded when I was in college, and here I am a year later waxing poetic about them. But in retrospect, I am also the girl that wrote 50,000 words in 30 days. So I guess I am a glutton for punishment.
I guess I am just in this rut because I have always known what I wanted to do. And for once in my life, I don’t have any clue. I never struggled with what my major would be. I joined a sorority. I was an editor on the school paper. I was in two honor societies. I was in the PRSSA. I was an intern with the River Cats. I just always had something I was working toward. But now what is there? An 8-5. And that is it. I don’t have a kid on the way or a husband, like a lot of people I graduated with. Hell, I don’t even have a boyfriend.
I just miss having something new every day. Am I always going to feel this way?
P.S. If you can relate to any of this rant, then I have the perfect song for you.